Don't look at me, you've got a girl at home and everybody knows that.

That Taylor Swift lyric fits you perfectly. You're away at uni and that's more like home to you now that you're at the end of your third year. You came back here last summer and that's when you met me. We met online and got talking. That's when you said you were off to London with 'friends' for the weekend. Little did I know that you were going with your ex. Maybe you were still with her at the time, but then again why would you bother flirting with me if you were? Then when you came back, I asked you to meet me.

25/06/2012
Now I know they say never to meet someone in person who you met online but you were different. I felt a connection like no other before. My parents weren't too pleased because you had tattoos and were older than me (only by a year like!) but they know I'm smart and they trust me. As soon as I set my eyes on you, I knew you were something special. Even now, I remember that moment so well. The way you smiled at me and looked me in your eyes, I've never seen someone look so happy to see me. When you wrapped your arms around me, it felt like home. You held me for just a little bit too long for a first impression but I didn't mind. I liked it. Then we spent the next three hours just walking and chatting about anything and everything. Well, you mostly talked because I was a bit shy and you were nervous. You had that nervous laugh but I loved that. When I made the first move to kiss you, you were shocked but you didn't pull away. When you finally did, you giggled and whispered "Smooth". That moment just summed you up. Spontaneous, cheeky, funny.

Then I didn't see you for a week. You said that your ex was coming to visit. You said you didn't want her to but that she'd bought the tickets back when you were together and that you'd feel bad if she wasted her money. So we didn't text at all that weekend. I should've known then that something wasn't right. If you were really split up, she shouldn't be bothered that you were seeing me; she should respect that.

02/07/2012
After she had been and gone, everything was perfect. On the Monday after she'd left, you met me in a club, you kissed me like your life depended on it as soon as you saw me on the dancefloor (even if you did taste of smoke). You knew I was pretty drunk but you didn’t take advantage of me and I have never felt so proud to be seen with someone. You were constantly saying how beautiful I looked and you don’t know how nice that felt. Even though I’d only met you once before, I had missed you so much. Even you said that you had been craving my kisses.

03/07/2012
She stalked my Twitter account and discovered we'd been together the night before. Then she continued to say nasty things about me when she didn't even know me. You told her to stay away and surprisingly she did.

We looked like a couple. Just a regular date night at the cinema. People probably looked at us and thought, 'Wow, they look so in love'. We weren’t in love, it was just fresh, new, lust if you will. I barely even watched the film, I just couldn’t take my eyes off you. You were trying your hardest to watch the screen but with me by your side, it was near enough impossible. The people sat next to us probably wished they had sat somewhere else because of the view they were getting. I didn’t care. For once I felt so comfortable with someone that I didn’t care who saw.

05/07/2012
My favourite date. All we did was talk in the summer sun all afternoon in the park but it was magical. We looked so cute in our band tees and denim shorts, his-and-hers outfits, you showing your love for Foals in your shirt. It was spontaneous; I was just lounging around the house when you asked me to meet you. I literally jumped off the sofa, grabbed my bag and went to see you. I didn't bother dressing up to impress you. No make-up, no effort. You told me I was perfect and that's when you won my heart. We just laid on our sides looking at each other. You were everything I wanted. I wrote this in my diary about you that day: "To say he's gorgeous is an understatement. Not in a Hollister poster-boy way but in an edgy band-member way; it's the abstract tattoo on his arm and his cool boy style. He's smart, independent, charming, funny, quirky. He looks like the type of guy who'll break your heart but then you get to know him and discover he's the loveliest guy ever. He's downright sexy to look at but then with me, he's so cute. When I look into his eyes, I get lost in them." All of it was true at the time and in fairness, I doubt that would ever change.

For the next week we were pretty much inseparable. When we weren't together in person, we were texting non-stop. Then on the 15th of July, the night after I'd stayed at yours the night before, you told me you couldn't see me anymore. If you'd have called me or told me in person, it would've been easier to accept but the fact that you did it over text broke me into pieces. Your only reason was that you felt it was getting too serious. At the time I was so angry and upset, but now I do understand. My only problem was that we'd only been seeing each other a month; we could've seen each other for the rest of the summer and then gone our separate ways. I know it would've been hard in the end but I would've been a lot happier.

And then you went and messaged me last weekend. You'd been in the pub with your friends chatting about summer and it reminded you of me. Do you have any idea how hard it was to move on from you? I barely managed and you coming back into my life brought me right back to where I started especially when you started asking about my love life. It'd been a fine conversation before that, just two people catching up but you don't get to ask me anything like that, it has nothing to do with you anymore. If we'd have remained friends then maybe you would know, but we stopped talking so it was easier for us both. Then when I asked you if you were back with your ex, you told me you were but that you missed being single. Of all the people to say that to, you should never have said that to me. That was unfair. Then you started discussing our time together saying how I was a good cuddler and how you missed my big chest! That's just not appropriate! If we were both single then maybe it wouldn't have been so bad but the fact that you have a loyal girlfriend that you've been with for two years now, made that comment unnecessary. And because I'm a good person, I changed the topic of conversation to your tattoo and our common music tastes and that seemed to get your mind off of my body.

Then you went back to uni and said we couldn't speak anymore. The main reason for that I think is that you didn't want your girlfriend to know you'd be speaking to me because you know she would go mental. By the looks of her Twitter, I think she might have found out. And this time if she does ask me about it, it's all on you. You initiated the conversation, you re-hashed certain topics, not me. I even told you to try with her. Two years is a long time to be with someone so you must be in a happy place or you wouldn't have got back with her.

I hope you are happy with her, you deserve happiness. Granted, I didn't like her for the way she spoke to me but no girl deserves to be screwed over. Maybe when you come back from uni in May, things might be different. You'll have finished uni forever then and you'll be living back at home. If you want to meet up, I'd like that but I don't think I can offer you anymore than friendship, well not right now anyway. Yes, we did have an amazing time together but I don't think I could go there again for you to leave again. You're still a great guy though and you'll always have a special place in my heart. But the past is the past and it will remain that way.

Don't Rush.

If something's worth having, then it's something worth the wait.

Love. It's a wonderful thing, it's also a dangerous thing. It can kill you or tear you apart, just like it nearly did me. The thing with love is just because you feel it, doesn't mean the object of your affection feels it too. It doesn't mean you shouldn't love again, it just means you should be more cautious as to who you open up your heart to. Trust me, I have had the worst luck with guys and had my heart trampled all over. The thought that someone can be your whole world one minute and then the next, you mean nothing to them. That feeling that you have nothing to live for. I've been there on more than one occasion. My main problem is I'm a fool for words: someone can say the nicest things to me and I'm theirs. The problem with that is guys can be liars. Not all, I admit, but certainly most that I have known. They say one thing and mean another. You just have to take the risk sometimes in showing your true feelings because if you hold back, you could lose something great. That will always be the biggest regret. If you jump and say how you feel, the worst that can happen is that they don't feel the same way. Yes, you may feel like your life is over at the time, but you will move on and it will be great. Eventually. It might take a month, it might take ten years but it will happen. You will love again.

After a while, it gets easier. You meet someone new and learn to love again. Every so often, something will happen or something will be said that will remind you of the past but it's important to remember that it didn't work out for a reason. If it was meant to be, it would still be. You might have been a rebound, a passing phase or simply just not right for each other. But that's okay, I think you have to go through heartbreak to see what you want and what's important to you.

Love's not something you can see, only you will know when you're in love. You can feel it. People will comment that they can see it in your eyes, especially if it's new. The feeling that someone is your everything and they're not going anywhere. It's a magical feeling; when you're together and you look into each other's eyes and that's it. It's real. And in that moment, nothing can tear you apart. It really is a wonderful feeling. It might only last for the next day, like it did me, or it might last a lifetime. You never forget your first love. You can do everything to try to forget but you never will. But that's alright; just because you can't forget them, doesn't mean you still want them.

All in all, love is great. But just look out for yourself because it's not always genuine.